Saturday, August 9, 2014

Devil Ninja, Chapter 8

ArmorOfGeddon: The final fight was a disappointing anti-climax. Why didn't Naruto just stab him with Kumar if he couldn't beat him? Also, if Riser had been reduced to the level of an ordinary human then being punched so hard that his body left a crater in concrete should have killed him. The punch itself should have destroyed his head, and the impact that cratered the concrete should have destroyed his spine and ruptured organs. All in all, a disappointment that served no purpose beyond showing that Naruto still needs Kyuubi to rescue his butt when things get too hard.

Answer: The reason Naruto didn't stab Riser with a Kumar is because there is no such thing as a Kumar. Or did you mean kunai? If so, then the reasons should have been obvious since I stated in chapter four or five that Naruto doesn't like to kill. Stabbing someone with a kunai when they have no ability to heal themselves could kill them. Aside from that, Naruto wanted to show Riser up, not just win. And there you go, forgetting that this story is based off Shonen manga. It is perfectly acceptable for someone to be cratered into the ground and not die or suffer from ruptured organs.

Amunra: OMG. Please tell me this Issei/Akeno stuff is just a horrible joke. I almost stopped reading right there. Issei is one of my least favorite anime characters of all time which is why I'm reading a xover. I already feel sorry for Asia. But seriously we went 7.5 chapters with Akeno's innuendos towards Naruto and all the sudden she did a 180 and suddenly has the hots for Issei. Wtf?
(Rant Finished) anyways...
You are probably my favorite fanfic author of all time. I've read all your stories and I'm looking forward to whatever you have next. My personnel favorite is Namikaze's Return. Good job with a Fox's Love as well.

Answer: I don't get why people dislike Issei. You guys all vilify him because he's a pervert, but you know what, Naruto is just as perverted. Who the hell was it that created the Oroike no Jutsu and the Harem jutsu? It certainly wasn't Issei. Also, just because Akeno and Naruto bantered back and forth doesn't mean they were into each other. Seriously people. Not every girl is going to be attracted to Naruto. Akeno likes him, as a friend, and she respects him, as a friend, but nothing more. Their playful banter is just that, playful banter between FRIENDS.

Guest: Enjoyed it; though one thing pissed me off, and that is Naruto's chakra. Naruto produced 4 shadow clones and felt a drain? He can create a thousands of clones before he even feels a drain. That being said, him, with his advantage of the seal, still get beat up by Riser... To me, Sage is the strongest and/or wisest person. What I just read was a Naruto back from Genin, and it ticked me off :(

It's a good story nonetheless.

Answer: Dude, it's not Naruto created four clones and felt the drain. It's Naruto created four clones and GAVE THEM ALMOST ALL OF HIS CHAKRA and felt a drain. You need to read my story more carefully.

Ash0601: So after the first reading I figured the sealing you had Naruto do was some type of alteration to the five element seal Orichimaru put on Naruto in the forest of death. After rereading though I saw you only used 4 elements in the seal. Do you mind answering why you didn't have Naruto work with the five element seal? Is he not advanced enough in sealing or what? 

Answer: That is exactly the reason. Naruto's skill in sealing is never revealed in the canon, so we don't really know how good he is at it. Now, most people go the "Naruto's an Uzumaki so he's got some kind of sealing bloodline" route, which I think is complete bullshit. Being part of one family over another doesn't make someone better at something like this. It's not a genetic trait, but a learned skill. While I don't think Jiraiya would have NOT taught Naruto at least SOME fuinjutsu, I also don't think Naruto could progress to the level of a master so easily. Right now, I would say that he's a novice who's recklessness and stupidity cause him to get lucky on occasion.

Sytekh: There is something that I simply do not get about this chapter.

So you spend basically tens of thousands of words espousing upon Naruto's warrior skills and tactical ability because he fought in the great shinobi war and then you have him create this 'plan' to beat Riser that, in the end, completely tactically fails. The only reason he wins is because Kurama comes around and bails him out randomly. It doesn't even tactically fail because Riser had a surprise or two for Naruto, no, it fails because Naruto was stupid.

I don't get it.

Why would Naruto exhaust himself before fighting Riser in that sort of situation? He was completely relying on the fact that he had the advantage in skill and chakra usage to beat Riser and then he goes in to the fight having EXHAUSTED his chakra? I...WHY?! Did he just 'forget' that he had lower chakra? I doubt that as you see fit to remind us of this at least six times a chapter so what on earth was Naruto thinking?

If this was supposed to define some sort of character flaw like arrogance or something I guess I could see that...but Naruto has been averse to that basically the entire story so that would be a tad left field. We don't see any of that though. I can't see any applicable reason for Naruto to do what he did. It's completely out of character for him to go in to the fight with that sort of disadvantage.

I mean unless the clones seriously took all the time to do 156 hand seals...which wouldn't make sense again as Naruto had to memorize those seals, presumably through shadow clones, and should be able to do that in roughly two and a half minutes...there was no reason why Riser had to be drawn out at all. Rias could have just supported her peerage while Naruto suppressed Riser or something. They were using his arrogance against him the entire time...why not then?

Other than this nonsensical stuff about the plan this story is probably your most solid one. The main character is likeable, generally, and the way the characters interact feels organic. I suppose I understand your point about trying to avoid throwing Issei in to the background and I can be only thankful you're finally going to stop rehashing canon so closely. You have good story telling ability that's hard to flesh out when you're so close to canon.

Answer: You seem to be under this misguided belief that Naruto is perfect. I'm not sure I understand why you feel this way, unless you've been reading one too many OP, Gary Stu Naruto fanfics. Regardless, just because Naruto is a good fighter, does not make him an excellent tactician. Naruto is the kind of guy who is great at planning on the spot tactics in mid-battle, but couldn't plan a fight in advance to save his life. I want it known right now that Naruto DID NOT plan the battle against Riser. Rias did. And we all know she lacks experience in Rating Games. Second, Naruto's only contribution to the plan was the barrier ninjutsu and the seal to cut off himself and Riser from their Devil powers. Nothing more, nothing less.

Hail Emperor Naruto: Great chapter and battles.

Just one complaint. Naruto's interaction with Ravel. It was too...random. I'm a huge fan of Ravel. So it isn't that i dislike her. Naruto's behavior was just a huge flip flop. He brutally and mercilessly destroys five members of Riser's peerage. When it comes to Ravel, complete shift. He not only doesn't show any hostile intention, but he calls her adorable, hugs her, introduces himself, and then...sucks her finger. Ravel might be adorable, but that was not the proper atmosphere or place for Naruto to goo all cuddly. It seems like the kind of illogical behavior shift meant solely to guide a plot. Not what was realistic in that situation. There are other ways to make Ravel crush on Naruto. Just beating Riser and that last declaration would have probably been enough to catch her attention. It is how Issei did it in the novels. Still great chapter, but i couldn't help being utterly confused when i came to that part.

Oh yeah. Mihae is a bishop, not a rook. You made three rooks in Riser's peerage.

Answer: I understand where you are coming from, and I can see why you would think that way. Naruto's love of cute things is something that I wrote up mostly for the comedy, but I actually have another reason that he acts the way he does, which I'll get into later on as the relationships between characters develop. Also, while I do understand that you want realism, I would like to remind you that this story is based on Shonen tropes. Watch any Shonen manga like Naruto, Bleach, One Piece or Fairy Tail and you'll see that what I'm doing here isn't all that different from what happens in a Shonen manga.

Joe Lawyer: I’m really trying to keep an open mind about Issei. Even with all the heavy handed comparisons to Jiraya, whom I respected greatly as a character, I just can’t like the guy as a person. This thing you’re trying to build with Akeno and him…I can’t help but think she’d be slumming it with him, especially when Naruto is around for comparison. 

The rating game is always a hard scene to write in these crossovers and I think you did a pretty decent job of it. I felt like the sheer melodrama was enhanced pretty significantly when Naruto didn’t just throw that kunai into Riser’s heart instead of merely nicking his cheek though. If you had only included something to justify it, like Naruto was willing to kill Riser but couldn’t because of the long-term implications, the enemies he’d be making with the Riser family, etc. I guess you’ve accepted the watered down interpretation of ninja to some extent. Ninjas are ruthless killers and paid assassins. But that’s neither here nor there. I suppose it did set up the introduction of the return of Kurama or the voice of some kind of sacred gear that Naruto now has.

Despite our differences in philosophy regarding Naruto and ninja in general, it was still a mostly well written chapter.

Answer: Your issues with Issei are your own problem. While I won't say anything about them, I will say that I don't understand them. While Issei is a lot more perverted than him, CANON Naruto is pretty damn perverted. I know fanfics espouse his "Sexy Jutsu" as being an "Anti-Pervert Jutsu" or some such garbage, but the truth is that Naruto is just a pervert. He created that jutsu with pervy intentions in mind, and I know that he went peeping on women in the hotsprings with Jiraiya during their training trip (I think I remember seeing a flashback of that). Also, remember that Naruto, at one point, was going to spy on Sakura and only stopped because Yamato scared him? Yeah, Naruto might not be as bad as Issei, but really, when it comes down to it, they're not that different. In fact, of the Shonen archetype Character, Naruto and Issei are the most similar. Both are loyal, kinda dumb, really weak at the beginning, but are also loyal, want to help others, and grow a lot stronger as their stories progress. The only difference is that Issei is more perverted.

And killing Riser? Really? Did you not read chapter five? You know, the one where Dohnaseek tried to fight Naruto again and Naruto was VERY reluctantly forced to kill him? Do you not remember the speech that Naruto gave Rias? Naruto DOES NOT LIKE KILLING. He doesn't. Killing is only perpetuating the cycle of hatred, and he won't kill unless he's left with no other option. Now, I know a lot of people want him to be this merciless Boss who kills people without a second thought, but that's not who he is, it never has been, and I won't make such a drastic change from his canon personality when it doesn't serve a purpose. He won't kill Riser just because the guy pissed him off.