Friday, December 26, 2014

Devil Ninja, Chapter 10

Anonymous1.25.415: Can't the juubi use ying-yang release-(yin to create form from nothing, and then yang to breath life into it) to heal Naruto? After all, the juubi has the rinne sharingan-(not to be confused with what Sasuke unlocked in the manga, that's different) which has control over that. Infact, him being the juubi jinchuriki should be enough for him to awaken it, like Madara did, though you might be able to justify that, it was his chakra network being busted. I don't see a reason for not being able to create something out of nothing, even Naruto was able to pull this feet in the manga with just yang. After all, its really disappointing to Naruto weakened to such an extent, especially after he spent his whole life getting stronger.

Answer: Kurama could use yin-yang release to heal Naruto, but not until their chakra synchronizes. The problem at the beginning was two-fold. For starters, Naruto didn't have any coils left, they were destroyed completely, leaving Naruto as a normal human. The second is that Kurama's chakra is simply too powerful for Naruto's body to withstand. If Kurama flooded chakra through Naruto's body it would have killed him.

Hellfire44: Umm...Koneko? Naruto's not a pedophile is he?

Answer: Um, no... just no. Where did you get that idea? Just so you know, Koneko is 15. Naruto is 17. That's a two year age difference. I've dated girls who were two years younger than me back when I was in high school. Also, in Japan, the age of consent is 13 years old. If they wanted to, Naruto and Koneko could legally have sex and no one would have to legally do a thing about it.

Guest: No offence man but don't u feel your rushing the romance I mean not the feelings part but the intiment parts cause while I like the story and will keep reading regardless I can't see naruto sleeping with someone so soon even if he loves her, rias either for that matter anyway looking forward to more

Answer: Not really. While I don't focus much on the passage of time, Naruto and Rias have known each other for several months now. You also have to remember a few things about these two. First: they're teenagers. Teenager relationships can start off quite fast. I know several couples who started having sex less than a month after they dated. I know some that started BECAUSE the couple had sex. What Naruto and Rias are doing is no different from any other teenage relationship. Two: Rias has no compunctions against sex. She was willing to have sex with Naruto in order to try and keep from marrying Rizer. What makes you think she wouldn't have sex with Naruto because they're dating? And three: Neruto and Rias are devils. While it's not implicit, devils are creatures of desire. They grant the desires of others in exchange for power, and they also have strong desires of their own which, due to their inherent greed as devils, they do not bother denying themselves.

ArmorofGeddon: It took me a couple of days before I looked back and realized something rather odd. Koneko just outright admitted to Naruto that her race was subjected to near-total genocide by the Devils (and she herself was nearly executed as a small child) just because of a crime committed by one member of their race... and Naruto just glossed said fact over like it was nothing. You would think that would be the kind of crap that would normally piss him off big time, and yet he acts like it's not even something worth thinking about.

As much as I enjoy Highschool DxD, it's moments like that that remind me that the Devils, while not all as vile as they are often believed to be, are still, in fact, a rather evil race as a whole (heck, Rias is considered one of the nicer ones by far, yet she basically left Issei to die so he would have no choice but to join her peerage and she's never called out on that). And they are, by and large, massive Karma Houdinis, since, once the story finally ends, they'll almost certainly be the unquestionably strongest faction out of the three Biblical powers, if not the strongest faction in the whole supernatural world.

Answer: While you bring up a good point, I figured I'd nip this in the bud now. It's not that Naruto glossed over this fact like it was nothing, it's that he realizes there is nothing he can do. What happened to Koneko is in the past and getting angry over it isn't going to help anyone, least of all Koneko, who needs his love and support, not his anger. Naruto might be kind of dense, and he might even be an idiot, but he knows a lot about the effects of hatred to know what would happen if he got angry in Koneko's presence while she's suffering.

You do bring up a good point about the evils of the devil race. I actually plan on bringing this up later in the story, especially during the arch that features the devil faction of the Chaos Brigade.

Exanime Draco: Well that was quite interesting to read about Naruto's piece. A Fairy Piece huh? I'm actually curious however about this, and I was hoping you could at least bring this up be it in a pm or in the next update. But I was wondering if this Fairy Piece that you mentioned as something you came up with or a part of the dxd series itself, since if it is odds are that it hasn't been placed on the wiki just yet. Then again when you consider all the stuff not on the wiki despite being out and revealed it's ridiculous. I mean seriously there are characters who have apparently been shown and have their images revealed but not shown on the internet or the wiki. Somewhat annoying when your trying to find out what they look like without reading every chapter.
Still though that was rather interesting to learn about so if Naruto is knocked out of a game, then Rias loses huh? Interesting even more so since it seems that Naruto doesn't have any sort of benefits from this Fairy Piece at all. Or rather none that we are aware of at the moment so far. It will be interesting to see if he does get any or not in the future. Additionally I was a bit disapointed that Naruto didn't get any sort of familiar during the trip to the familiar forest, however, I think I know what your going to do about Naruto's familiar or at least I have a hint of your plans. In any case however, I enjoyed the chapter and I'm looking forward to the next update and I hope it happens soon!

Answer: The Fairy Piece that I used for Naruto is actually called Mann, an Inverted King piece, and is often used in a chess variant called Quatrochess, which is chess for four people. There are several Fairy Pieces in this variant:
  • The chancellor moves as a chess rook and knight.
  • The archbishop moves as a chess bishop and knight.
  • The mann moves as a chess king, but has no royal power.
  • The wazir moves one step orthogonally in any direction.
  • The fers moves one step diagonally in any direction.
  • A camel leaps in a (1,3) pattern like an elongated knight's move. It jumps over any intervening men.
  • A giraffe leaps in a (1,4) pattern like an elongated knight's move. It jumps over any intervening men.
DarkPirateKing: even if it's not really a major thing, i'm kinda happy that they can have sex without someone interrupting for the sake of comic relief... or making a huge fuss about it in the first place. they are teenagers/young adults in love and filled with hormones, so it's perfectly natural to have sex.

despite grown used to it long time ago while reading here (and not thinking about it too much).. it initially always feels awkward to read when protagonist has a boner (literally in this case) for a girl with a loli body, regardless of their actual age..

Ravel doesn't count, since her breast size in canon is inconsistent anyway.

well, those are just small things in the grand scheme of things that won't take away from the overall reading experience, at all.

Answer: Thank you! You're one of the only people who has realized this so far!--or at least one of the only people who's mentioned it. Naruto and Rias are teenagers. Teenagers have sex. It's a fact of life. I only know a few people in high school who remained celibate throughout it, and they were those really goodie two-shoes types who never did anything their parents didn't want them doing. They're also devils, which means they have more desires than a human does. I think Rias put it best when she was speaking to Xenovia about what it means to be a devil... which was actually what started Xenovia's whole "I want to have a child with Issei" spiel, come to think of it.

Random Reviewer: This chapter feels like filler. Like nothing really important happened. Even the revelation of the kind of mutated piece Naruto has doesn't really mean anything, because it apparently gives no bonuses *and* also serves as a massive liability in rating games though I'm not sure how that works. Surely the people refereeing the match would recognize Naruto as a servant and not the "King" of the peerage. I honestly don't believe that "losing a match if defeated" is an inherent property of a King piece so much as it is a simple rule that was implemented in the games themselves. So the "he can force you to lose a match if he gets defeated" makes absolutely zero sense.

Next, the familiar forest. They went there and basically nothing happened. We didn't actually see what went on with the main group and Naruto/Koneko basically just sat down on their own and had a brief chat. After which Koneko fell asleep for a few hours, meaning they basically time-skipped strait through the entire event. Even the talk they had felt extremely nonsensical. Naruto isn't *that* oblivious, he can connect 22 to puzzle out that the reason Koneko is crying about him dating Rias is that *she* wanted to date him. Especially when he got an erection while she was sitting on his lap, pointed it out to him, and then stayed on his lap anyway. That's .. not subtle. At all. Naruto isn't a complete dunce, he'd understand what was going on.

Finally, the sex scene at the beginning. Aside from attempting to titillate the readers was there any point to it at all? It added nothing to the story or the narrative outside of the fact that they're having sex. That could have been told to the readers with a simple suggestion that they were sleeping together and going at it like newly-weds. Actually describing the scene on the other hand does nothing but clog the story with purple prose that 1) isn't terribly well written and 2) does nothing to progress the plot, nor establish any new information that is relevant to the plot *or* to the development of the characters involved. If you *really* needed to get across that Naruto was happy with his new relationship with Rias you could have had him reminiscing about it in bed, post coitus, without the need to actually be explicit about it.

Basically, it feels like the sex scene was added as nothing more than an attempt at pandering to the readers. Which was especially blatant because it was the very first part of the chapter, ensuring that anyone reading the chapter would see it first (and with no warning of an incoming lemon scene).

I have no real suggestions on how to improve this other than to edit the scene so that Naruto is reflecting on it, maybe while walking Rias to school or while he's in bed next to her after she falls asleep. Fade to black works for a reason, and right now I personally believe your story is suffering because it *isn't* doing the equivalent of a "fade to black" thing. And I think you're degrading yourself as an author by such obvious pandering to the people here on this site that think sex is the be-all-end-all of a relationship.

Answer: You clearly don't know anything about chess, then. Naruto's piece isn't a mutated piece, first of all. It's a fairy piece, which actually exists in chess. I'm not going into details because I've already put them in another answer, so I'll only tell you that it does make sense and you simply don't realize it, probably because you haven't played much chess. I don't use random cop-out plot devices without at least researching and making sure those random cop-out plot devices make sense.

And what part did the familiar forest episode play in the anime? None. Issei didn't get a familiar, and we haven't even SEEN Asia's familiar since she got it. The whole thing was pointless, yet they put it in there anyway. I put this part in here because it was an important character developmental point between Naruto and Koneko. Naruto learns of Koneko's tragic past and also temporarily fixes the problem between him and Koneko. That's called character development, and if you want a good story, you need it. Epic stories with bland, uninspired characters make terrible stories.

Not relevant to the development of the plot or characters? I'd assume that two characters being sexually active is pretty relevant to the characters if not the plot. Physical intimacy is an important part of any healthy relationship. It's statistically proven that relationships where the couple are physically intimate, aka having sex, are healthier and prone to lasting longer than relationships that don't. You might be uncomfortable reading it, and that's fine. If you don't like it, you can just skip it.

Also, I'm going to tell that I was not pandering to the audience. I was pandering to myself. I write for myself and no one else. If other people like my stories, awesome, I'm glad, but if they don't, that's not really my problem. An author has to love their own work first and foremost.